Abby, Zoë and Enzo

Though Abby and Zoë do have a good memory, I'm actually talking about mine.  Now, I will admit that normally I am the type of person who needs to write things down quickly to remember them, but the day the girls were born is a day I remember well.  What with Enzo's delivery day just around the corner, not to mention my sister just giving birth, I've been thinking about the events of the girls' birthday and can remember the day vividly.  I also realized that I never really gave an account of it.  It began quite early in the morning as I'd been questioning if I was having contractions and at around 4:00 a.m. I finally mentioned it to a nurse.  She brought in the stuff to set me up on a monitor, and with all the hub bub my mom, who was staying with me, woke up to see what was going on.  It was a Sunday and Chris had just gone up to Portsmouth the day before, I also remember that I always got weepy when he'd go home even though he was never gone more than two days.  At about 5:00 a.m. they made the decision to take me down to labor and delivery and since I'd been told by my weekday staff of doctors that they wouldn't stop my labor anymore, (after twice having been on magnesium drip previously) we went ahead and called Chris to let him know what was going on.

When I got down to a room on the labor and delivery floor, the nurses did indeed hook me up to a magnesium drip.  The weekend staff and the weekday staff apparently weren't on the same page.  I remember really feeling pulled in two directions.  There had been so many times of 'you're going to have these babies - oh, no you're not" of going back and forth with the fight to keep the girls in being done to it lasting for who knew how much longer.  That day I had thought that my fight was over, that they'd be coming out, only to be told that it was on again.  I also remember feeling like a horrible person for the feelings I was having because I knew all too well that every week, even every day they could stay in was important.  Chris arrived to the room and was also surprised to see me on magnesium.  I remember that my contractions continued all day through the medications, though not exruciating, they were enough to be progressing things slowly.  Come night time the contractions really began to pick up, despite the magnesium, and I had my mom get Chris, who had gone up to my room to get some sleep just a little while before this.  The contractions started to get pretty painful, and they did a scan and saw that Zoë was breach, but when they had checked me Abby was already on her way down so they handed Chris some scrubs and rushed me in for a c-section.  I remember being really nervous to go into the operating room, especially since Chris couldn't come in yet, and to curl up for the spinal while I was having a particularly painful contraction.  There was one nurse who stood right by my side and had her hand on me the whole time the doctor (and who I think what a student) were putting in the numbing medication, twice, and then the spinal.  I also remember the relief that came when my contraction just dissolved.  Chris came in and sat by me and took photos and asked questions, once asking what something was that was resting on my body and getting the response that they were my ovaries.  I remember when I started shaking from the medications and Chris was concerned, but the nurse assured him it was all normal. 

And then out came the girls, Abby then Zoë.  I remember waiting for their cries, hearing their apgars, which were great, and asking if it was okay to give Abby a kiss when they brought her over for me to see before taking her to the NICU.  I remember the man who cleaned me up and told me, as I'm lying completely nude and unable to feel anything below my chest, that he was going to roll me into his arms and not to fear that I'd fall on the floor.  I also remember telling my mom, who got to go up to the NICU with Chris after he had gone up and come back down, not to hold the babies before I got to.  I remember the first time they handed me these little packages, while I was still lying in my hospital bed, and being amazed that they had just been inside me (and wondering where exactly they had fit in there).  Their little faces were so red, but with them lying close together on my chest I could hear them making little cooing sounds back and forth.  I also remember it being really hard to be up on the postpartum hearing all the babies in the other rooms.  The hardest part was the day I was discharged, I was waiting down front in my wheel chair for Chris to get the car.  There were two other women waiting similarly and talking to each other about where they were putting their babies car seats to take them home.  I felt so out of the loop and so empty, and was sad and quiet on the ride out of Boston.  I remember too how it felt driving the hour home over the frost heaved road having just had a c-section.  And now... they're almost five.  Could someone tell me how that happened so fast?